Life is a game?
But how can it be a game, when we all are losers.
And there isn't a winner?!

Suicide isn't OK

I don't want to look "healthy" when I not is it. When I have these problems I have, when I have these throuhts I have.
I don't want to be NORMAL, when I not am. I want to look that sick as I am.
It's wrong. I'm wrong.
When I inside is so small and fragile.
I've always said that my body is like a prison. I want to be with out a body. I want to be like a free bird.

I never stop to hurt my self. I never stop to act like a kid. I never stop to lie for my friends or my self. It's impossible to be happy. But with my 3 friends it gets it more possible than I throught. But I'm still getting more and more problems for every day there goes.

I have tears in my eyes but I never gonna cry. Why
can't I cry?!

Something about a dream...

Last night I dreamed about this familiar forest. In the dream plays I with my old friends I knew, when I was 11-years old. We all live in this small area with alot of buildings. The only place where we kids could play was in this forest. Me and all the other kids began to build our own cave in the woods. It was great. We had this secret entrance to our secret place. We were 16 kids between 6 and 14 years old. Near from this forest, was a container place. We found 5 chairs and a couch, we went back to our cave with it. We had the cave in a month before the adults had to close down our place, you should know, why...

 - There was this little girl who was 11 years old. when we children found this secret place, we began to meet in the center of it. We talked and laid a plan for what to do with it. The eldest of the children were 14 year old and very respected. She was our boss, sister and queen.
The next day we had several meetings. We talked about stories of the forest. A boy at the age of 13 told us about this witch and a strange man who went and killed children.
I was in love with one of these brave boys. He was a friend of mine and was very shy. It took the kids only a week to create our cave. A week later for now, the little girl walked out for search for the boy she liked. But all she found was an old man and the 14 year old girl in our bed in the cave. They did something the little girl did not understand. She was afraid of this old man. Was he the person from history? Him who killed children?
She screamed and ran away. She runs deeper into the woods and there she runs into another man. He just stood and stared at the little girl. And then .. He killed her.
And the little girl was me.



About this story, I'm pretty scared because it's kinda true.

Some steampunk pictures.

Now I have this new 'fetish'; steampunk. Here is some pics for you guys!